Recovery

There is a big difference between REST and RECOVERY.

REST is passive; it's recuperating energy, it's relaxing.

REST is reading a book, chilling by the pool with a good cocktail, sleeping, or doing a creative activity.

RECOVERY is active: it's the process of nurturing yourself to a better state or bringing yourself back to baseline.

Recovery is for when you're triggered, heightened, anxious, stressed, overwhelmed, at a point of burnout, or when you're mentally and emotionally exhausted. 

Due to the Mental Illness' I live with I feel all of these things quite frequently, so I am going to share with you the things I do to recover.

I do these things to activate or stimulate my 'vagus nerve' to signal to my mind and body to switch off the flight or flight mode, and to remind myself that I am safe. 

Sorry, side note... what is a 'vagus nerve' you might ask?

Well, the 'vagus nerve' is a part of the autonomic nervous system, or otherwise called the ANS. 

The ANS has two branches:

1. Sympathetic Nervous System, and

2. Parasympathetic Nervous System. 

These two systems control various involuntary bodily functions and they work in opposition, with the sympathetic system primarily responsible for 'flight or flight', and the parasympathetic system for the 'rest-and-digest' functions (including being calm!).

To summarise...

* Sympathetic Nervous System = 'fight or flight', increased heartrate and blood pressure, can be activated during stressful situations or through physical activity = prepares the body for action

* Parasympathetic Nervous System = 'rest and digest', decrease heartrate and blood pressure = prepares the body for rest and recovery

What RECOVERY practices do is try to stimulate or activate the vagus nerve, the primary nerve in the parasympathetic nervous system (rest and recovery), to signal to our body that we are safe, there is no danger, all is ok, and it is ok to rest and be calm.

While rest is important, you can't rest when you are not at a state of 'rest' within your body. That's why if you're feeling burnt out, stressed or anxious, you take the weekend off and all you do is rot and sleep, come Monday you'll still feel like sh*t. It's because your body is still in the 'flight or flight' mode, the 'prep'd for action' mode. You can't rest when you're still scanning your environment for perceived dangers or when you can feel your heartbeat in your head and butt as it's going at full throttle. 

We need to recover to then rest. 

I incorporate these practices everyday. I need too because my mind and body had been programmed for over 20 years of trauma, and so my Sympathetic Nervous System is always my default and it is VERY easy to activate.

So here is what I do to recover.

GROUNDING:

Grounding is connecting to your surroundings and to the present moment with your senses. Grounding can help when you're about to have or are having an panic attack (it's helped me anyway).

Where are you? What do you see? What do you smell? What can you hear? What can you touch? Is it hot or cold? Smooth or rough? Does it have edges or no edges? 

I do sensory grounding and movement grounding, and I am particularly sensitive to smell, touch and sound. 

I do the 5-4-3-2-1 method

I name 5 things I can see

4 things I can touch

3 things I can hear

2 things I can smell

1 thing I can taste

I use certain smells to calm me and to be present. I LOVE lavender, sage, sandalwood and certain candles and incense sticks to stimulate my vagus nerve. These smells are enjoyable and calming for me. I have a little lavender oil bottle in my handbag that I take everywhere with me. 

If I am particularly anxious or having a panic attack I lean more towards touching things that are rough or prickly or cold. For example I will hold an ice cube, I will go outside to feel the air on me and I will touch the concrete or a rock, or I'll play with the edges of my jewellery. Having something to touch that isn't soft or smooth 'jolts' me more when my brain and heartrate are going a million miles per hour, but it's something I won't hurt myself on. 

I like being barefoot in my home, particularly in nature, or even just having my feet on the grass out the front or back of my house. I'm a big hugger, and thankfully so is my daughter, so we are often cuddling, holding hands, or we're petting our animals. 

With sound I will sit in library silence if I can and just enjoy the 'natural' noises around me (the clock ticking, the cars going by), but I also love listening to lofi music, white noise (especially rain and thunderstorms) and I love listening to ASMR and singing bowls.

SOMATIC:

Somatic techniques and activities are about the mind-body connection. These practices can help release tension, improve body awareness, promote emotional release and they can stimulate both parts of the brain (great for when only the emotional bit is working). 

I do bilateral stimulation through eye movement (side to side head movement, infinity symbol with a pen) and though movement like tapping my knees or collarbones or butterfly tapping. 

It's hard to explain in writing what these activities look like but check out @sarahjacksoncoaching on Instagram and you'll find TONS of her videos on somatic exercise examples. 

I sing and hum. I just do this period, but singing and humming in particular can help activate the vagus nerve. I find the lower the note I try the hum the better. It's the vibrations in your chest as well as you are focusing on your breathing.

I do EFT tapping (Emotional Freedom Techniques). This involves stimulating specific acupoints on the body through tapping with your fingers. There are so many videos on this but I tap above my eyebrow, next to my eye on the outside/near my temple, under the inner corner of my eye, on my cupids bow, on my chin, just underneath my collarbone, under my arm pit and on top of my head. Sometimes I say affirmations, sometimes I don't and just focus on the feeling. 

I sway, I twist my body from side to side, I'll even move my body like those Air Dancers at car dealerships to shift energy in my body.

MINDFULNESS:

Mindfulness is a state of mental awareness where you focus on the present moment without judgment, observing your thoughts, feelings, and sensations as they arise without getting carried away by them. It's about being fully present and aware of your current experience, which can help reduce stress, improve focus, and enhance emotional regulation.

Practising mindfulness can be meditation. Noticing and not judging what is happening and being able to gently guide your thoughts back to the here and now. No one is perfect at this, at all, and it can certainly feel SUPER frustrating when your mind just runs along with itself, but it's the habit of practicing this. For me I started to notice the difference in my mind and body when I stopped meditating. 

Other mindfulness practices I do are journaling including gratitude journaling. Incorporating mindfulness techniques (from meditating) into everyday tasks. Instead of me focusing on my breath I will focus on the task I'm doing like washing my face or brushing my hair, trying to keep my focus on the act I'm doing and gently bringing my mind back once it starts to wonder. Noticing the feel of the water on my face, is it hot or cold, is it smooth or hard, do I like it or not like it. 

I do a colour walk or a colour drive: pick a colour and go for a walk and try to find everything in that colour. Or you can do what my daughter and I do which is the rainbow game. Find something in each colour of the rainbow. Once we've found something in each colour,  we start again. On a drive we love trying to spot pink, purple and yellow coloured cars because they are more rare.

This leads me into glimmers. Glimmers are the opposite of a trigger, or a happy trigger if you will. It's about perspective and taking notice of things. Like a rainbow on your wall, that yellow car, that butterfly, that flower growing from a crack in the concrete. It's brings joy and whimsy to your day. I LOVE looking for glimmers, tiny little moments of gratitude, beauty, whimsy and joy. Noticing the world around me instead of being in my head. 

And last but not least...

BODY & HOME:

These things might sound like 'well duh', and yeah they kind of are. Honestly, I hated reading about doing these things anytime I looked up techniques or ideas for improving mental health, because it just sounded stupid. I think my main issue with these things were 'they're not a quick fix'. And well, they're not. 

I think taking care of our bodies and our homes feels anticlimactic and mundane. But I notice how they impact me more when I don'[t do a good job at mainaining them.

For example, I'll be stressed or even triggered at work, and I come home to a messy home. I'm in a bad mental state and all I can see is dirty dishes, I have no clean underwear, and the kitty litter stinks. It doesn't help me 'feel the feelings' and become calm. I don't know about you but it's soooooo much harder to be happier, content, calm in my home when it looks like WW3 happened.

It's like being surrounded by negative friends at lunch, you're in a busy city, just finished for the day at the job you hate, you've only eaten takeaway junk today, oh yeah and your electricity bill is due. There is no way with all of those things going on you're going to be able to calm yourself by coming home to a messy house on top of all of that. 

So, by regularly maintaining it as much as I can, it creates a better environment for me to chill. Same with my body. I love junk food as much as the next person, but I know that it makes things so much harder for me. Same with caffeine, I'm a black coffee drinker and I LOVE it, but making my heartrate go faster by drinking coffee when I'm anxious isn't going to make things easier. I think of it like running on fumes in the car or trying to drive with the wrong type of petrol in the car. Ain't no way I'm going to be able to go on the freeway like that! I can barely make it out of my driveway.

Pre-planning helps my anxiety as well. I prepare my outfits for the week, meal plan and prep, pull out my planner even if it's just to look at what I have going on tomorrow or the day after. I find a 10 minute Daily Blueprint and a Weekly Blueprint help reduce a bit of stress and anxiety because I'm prepared for what I can be prepared for. 

What practices do you incorporate? I'd love to hear them!!

GROUNDING

https://www.healthline.com/health/grounding-techniques

5-4-3-2-1 METHOD

https://www.calm.com/blog/5-4-3-2-1-a-simple-exercise-to-calm-the-mind

LOFI MUSIC

Lofi Girl on Spotify

https://open.spotify.com/user/chilledcow

WHITE NOISE

Relaxing White Noise on Spotify

https://open.spotify.com/show/2bAmrw0xKnOhOx4hqSL7vF?si=ec2d53c67c41458a

ASMR

On YouTube I enjoy Gentle Whispering, Ozley ASMR and Jocie B ASMR

Somatic Exercises

Sarah Jackson Coaching on Instagram or through her website

https://www.sarahjacksoncoaching.com

@sarahjacksoncoaching

EFT Tapping

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TnbRcO43CD8

Nick Ortner - Explains how tapping calms anxiety and stress

Meditation

Headspace app

Calm app

Goodful on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=inpok4MKVLM

Colour Walk

https://teenbreathe.com.au/mindfulness/walk-the-rainbow/

Glimmers

https://www.ama.com.au/qld/glimmers

Therapy

How are you? How is life going?

I’m ok, managing, it’s a balancing act. Life ebbs and flows like the tides of the ocean.

Something that helps me manage the impact of the ebbs and flows is therapy. Therapy can aid with mental health and mental illness, and it can aid for anyone wanting to look at how their mind operates.

Even living in 2025 there is still a lot of stigma around ‘seeking help’ and ‘going to a therapist’. I didn’t like therapy when I was younger because it was a way for me to be palmed off to someone else when my parents didn’t want to bother, or I was ‘too difficult’. Now that I’m older, I see it more for what it is: a tool.

I think it’s easier for people to accept help when it comes to physical injury or illness because you can see it. You can see someone in physical pain, you can see a broken limb, you can see the rash, the graze, the snot or the puss. When we talk about help ‘mentally’ it’s harder to see. Yes, you can see signs of someone in distress, sad, angry, but there is so much more going on under the surface, like an iceberg with a little at the top for all to see and the massive chunk of ice below the surface.

Think of it this way, if you fell off a bike a broke your arm, would you refuse help from the hospital? Or if you had allergies, would you refuse help from an ENT? If you contracted an illness, would you refuse medical intervention and rest? Or even examples that are not physical, like if you had a leaking tap would you refuse to get help from a plumber? If you had no power coming to your home, would you refuse the help of an electrician?

That’s how I look at therapists: they are educated people who deal with the mind, who can aid in providing strategies, tools, perspective and support in the ways in which we think, feel, how we express ourselves, and they can help with deprograming and reframing how our minds operate, so we can become the person we want to be.

Does everyone need therapy, no. Is it ok to not want therapy, yes. Is it there for you to explore to see if it will aid you, yes.

So…

WHAT IS THERAPY?

Therapy is a form of treatment that can help people address issues. Like going to a physiotherapist to work on gait, or going to a dermatologist for eczema, for mental health it’s going to a range of professionals to help with an issue/challenge/way of processing and way of thinking. But therapy can be a broad term. There are professionals that ‘specialise’ in a certain type of therapy, and there are others that deliver more than one.

Personally, I believe in a holistic approach, in incorporating many different things that can aid in someone’s mental health/illness. For me I have made lifestyle changes, I do talk therapy, EMDR therapy, Art Therapy and I’m on medication. There isn’t a ‘one size fits all’ method on aiding the management of mental health, and it does take time, effort, and trial and error to find what works for you and what combination of things works for you.

So what therapies are there, what are they designed to do, and what professionals delivery therapy?

Now, this list will probably be overwhelming. I would always recommend starting by talking to your GP or another medical professional that you trust, and start your journey there. If you don’t have a GP there are plenty that are bulk-billed and you can search for one here at Health Direct: https://www.healthdirect.gov.au/australian-health-services

COGNITIVE THERAPIES

CBT – Cognitive Behaviour Therapy

Focuses on identifying and changing negative thought patterns and behaviours. Exploring the relationship between a person’s thoughts, feelings and behaviours.

DBT – Dialectical Behaviour Therapy

A form of CBT that teaches skills to manage emotions, cope with stress. It’s about regulating emotions, being mindful and accepting uncomfortable thoughts and feelings.

ACT – Acceptance and Commitment Therapy

Focuses on accepting difficulty thoughts and feelings while committing to actions that align with values

MBCT - Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy

Combines CBT therapy and techniques of mindfulness practices to help people manage depression and prevent relapse

MBT - Mentalisation-Based Therapy

It involves a technique called mentalizing. This therapy helps people notice and understand their thoughts and feelings and those of others. It can aid with a sense of self and help people connect to others.

Psychotherapy or Talk Therapy

Through talking about things, understanding certain feelings and behaviours

Supportive Psychotherapy

Focusses on bolstering self-esteem, ego functions and adaptive skills

Exposure Therapy

A form of CBT therapy – Exposure therapy will work with their therapist to figure out what triggers them. They will work together to expose the person to their anxiety, and it is then encouraged to sit with their anxiety until it decreases naturally on its own rather than trying to avoid it.

REBT – Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy

Helps you learn how to challenge irrational beliefs that contribute to emotional distress or other issues. The idea is to replace irrational thoughts with more rational ones which can improve well-being

MET - Motivational Enhancement Therapy

This type of therapy can help for people reluctant to change when it come to addiction.

The goal is to help someone view their life objectively and be real about how their self-destructive behaviours. A MET therapist does not tell someone what is wrong with them and how to change. Instead, they motivate them to take an honest, objective look at their lives, leading them to want change.

SFBT – Solution-Focused Brief Therapy

Many mental health therapies work because they get to the origin of the problem. Therapists can help identify what happened in the past that led to the mental illness.

For some, however, focusing on the past is not helpful. Instead, therapists will use solution-focused brief therapy (SFBT) to move a person closer to positive mental health. The first step is to identify strengths or skills already acquired that can help you overcome obstacles.

SFBT only works for those who have the skills but may not realize or accept them.

SUPPORTIVE THERAPY/CREATIVE THERAPY

AAT - Animal Assisted Therapy

Involves a person spending time with a trained therapy pet. A therapy pet may reduce a person’s anxiety as well as support those with PTSD.

Art Therapy

Utilising creative expression to help improve mental well-being.

Music Therapy

Utilising music to help improve mental well-being

Narrative Therapy

Focuses on helping people become experts in their own life stories while also helping them more effectively observe their own lives, behaviours and problems.

Nature Therapy

Utilising nature to help promote healing and wellness

Play Therapy

Utilises play such as painting, dancing or games, to help cope with emotional or mental challenges

Equine Therapy/Equine-assisted therapy

Uses interactions with horses to promote emotional, physical and cognitive growth and wellbeing.

PSYCHODYNAMIC THERAPY

Psychodynamic Therapy

Explores unconscious thoughts and feelings to understand their impact on current behaviours and relationships. It focuses on patterns of behaviour that derive from a person’s attachment relationships with caregivers and other close relationships from a young age. This can include object relations therapy which looks at how people’s relationships with others shape their behaviour and development.

Psychoanalysis

Long term and in-depth approach to exploring unconscious processes

Interpersonal Therapy

Focuses on a person’s interactions with family members, close friends, and loved ones. It aims to help a person work on these relationships. The therapist will evaluate a person’s social interactions and helps them notice negative patterns.

MIND-BODY THERAPY

EMDR – Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing Therapy

It involved a person recalling a traumatic event while performing specific eye movements. It aims to replace adverse reactions to painful memories with less charged or positive ones.

Hypnotherapy

It involved being guided into a state of deep relaxation and focus, known as a ‘trance’ or altered state of consciousness, to facilitate positive change              

Hakomi therapy 

A somatic approach that utilizes supportive, consensual touch to help people gain comfort and awareness while processing difficult emotions and experiences

Somatic Therapy

A body-centric approach and it incorporated breathwork, dance, meditation, mind-body exercises and talk therapy

Movement Therapy

-          Dance Therapy

-          Yoga Therapy

-          Drama Therapy

BEHAVIOURAL THERAPY

Behavioural Therapy

Focuses on ways to change behavioural reactions and patterns.

Including types of behavioural therapy

-          Systematic desensitization

-          Aversion therapy

-          Flooding

HUMANISTIC THERAPY

Existential therapy

In this philosophical approach to treatment, you’ll consider concepts such as responsibility for your choices and your freedom to make choices.

Person-centred therapy

This approach works from the belief that emotional distress can result when others criticize you or show disapproval for your choices or actions. This can make self-acceptance and growth difficult. 

Gestalt Therapy

With this approach, you’ll look at unresolved issues, such as relationship and family conflicts, considering how they affect your emotional well-being. Gestalt therapy focuses on the present moment and often involves role-playing or acting out scenarios with movement or visualization.

DIFFERENT TYPES OF PROFESSIONALS

Psychologists

They hold a doctoral degree in clinical psychology or another specialty such as counselling or education. They are trained to evaluate a person’s mental health using clinical interviews, psychological evaluations and testing. They can make diagnoses and provide individual and group therapy. Some may have training in specific forms of therapy like cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), dialectical behaviour therapy (DBT) and other behavioural therapy interventions.

Ø  Some are covered under a Mental Health Treatment Plan: https://www.servicesaustralia.gov.au/mental-health-care-and-medicare?context=60092

Ø  Australian Psychology Society: https://psychology.org.au/find-a-psychologist

Counsellors/Clinicians/Therapists

These masters-level health care professionals are trained to evaluate a person’s mental health and use therapeutic techniques based on specific training programs. They operate under a variety of job titles—including counsellor, clinician, therapist or something else—based on the treatment setting. Working with one of these mental health professionals can lead not only to symptom reduction but to better ways of thinking, feeling and living.

Ø  You can find counsellors at some Community Health Centres

Ø  Australian Counselling Association: https://theaca.net.au/find-a-counsellor/

Ø  Australia Counselling: https://www.australiacounselling.com.au/locations/nsw/

Psychiatrists

Psychiatrists are licensed medical doctors who have completed psychiatric training. They can diagnose mental health conditions, prescribe and monitor medications and provide therapy. Some have completed additional training in child and adolescent mental health, substance use disorders or geriatric psychiatry.

Ø  The Royal Australian & New Zealand College of Psychiatrists: https://www.yourhealthinmind.org/find-a-psychiatrist

Psychotherapists

Psychiatric or mental health nurse practitioners can provide assessment, diagnosis and therapy for mental health conditions or substance use disorders. In some states, they are also qualified to prescribe and monitor medications. Requirements also vary by state as to the degree of supervision necessary by a licensed psychiatrist.

Ø  Psychotherapy and Counselling federation of Australia: https://pacfa.org.au/portal/portal/Find-a-Therapist/Find-A-Therapist.aspx

Mental Health Nurses

Psychiatric or mental health nurse practitioners can provide assessment, diagnosis and therapy for mental health conditions or substance use disorders. In some states, they are also qualified to prescribe and monitor medications. Requirements also vary by state as to the degree of supervision necessary by a licensed psychiatrist.

Mental Health Occupational Therapists

Ø  You can see a mental health nurse at your local doctor's office or community health centre without a referral.

Some mental health nurse practitioners work in special clinics or private practices. For these services, you may need a referral from your doctor.

Social Workers

Clinical social workers are trained to evaluate a person’s mental health and use therapeutic techniques based on specific training programs. They are also trained in case management and advocacy services.

Ø  Some are covered under Medicare, Centrelink, and you can find one through Services Australia: https://findus.servicesaustralia.gov.au/

Occupational Therapists/Mental Health Occupational Therapists

Occupational therapy is an allied health profession that focuses on helping individuals regain or maintain independence in daily activities through various techniques and interventions. Occupational therapists work with people of all ages to address barriers to participation in everyday life, whether due to injury, illness, disability, or psychological impairment. In Australia, OTs must have a degree in occupational therapy from a World Federation of Occupational Therapists approved program. They must also be registered with the Occupational Therapy Board of Australia (OTBA).

Ø  Some are covered under a Mental Health Treatment Plan: https://www.servicesaustralia.gov.au/mental-health-care-and-medicare?context=60092

Ø  Occupational Therapy Board: https://www.occupationaltherapyboard.gov.au/

SOURCES:

https://www.verywellmind.com/types-of-therapy-8402567

Thank you for joining me!

C xo

Self-Reflective

“Curiouser and curiouser!”

~ Alice In Wonderland ~

What do see when you look at yourself?

Being self-reflective is the act of thinking, exploring, having openness and curiosity.

It’s about looking at how we think, speak, act, behave and looking at our motivations that drives us to do what we do.

It’s looking inward and asking ourselves questions.

It’s being introspective.

It’s being explorative.

I think the act of self-reflection is like the story of Alice in Wonderland. She was curious, curious to follow the white rabbit to find out why. Why was he late? What was he late for? Where was he going?

It can be unnerving going down that rabbit hole because you don’t know what you are going to see along the way. But once you start, you’ll be one step closer to discovering who you are, why you are the way you are, and you’ll be in the perfect position to make changes to become the person you want to be.

WHY PRACTICE SELF-REFLECTION?

It can be uncomfortable looking at ourselves. It can be confronting, sometimes jarring. But it is enlightening as well. Self-reflection isn’t only about looking at our thoughts, behaviours and motivations that are negative, it’s about looking at our positive ones as well. It provides a healthier way of addressing ourselves and improving on those areas that we deem are not suitable to how we want to be. It gives us an openness and a curiosity into who we are. It gives us an acceptance of our strengths and our abilities. It gives us a platform to then change what we want to change and enhance what we want to enhance.

Self-reflection and self-awareness are closely related.

Self-reflection is the action of thinking about our actions, reactions and motivations.

Self-awareness is a state; it’s a level of understanding you have about your own thoughts, feelings and behaviours.

HOW TO PRACTICE SELF-REFLECTION?

When I have a thought, when I say something, when I do something I look at:

Why did I think that? Why did I say that? Why did I do that?

What was the motivation behind that? What was the origin of that behaviour?

Do I like it? Do I not like it?

Do I want to change that? How can I change that?

When I became a mother, I vowed to live by example. That is a steeper hill to climb that it may appear at first glance. I look at every single thing I do and I ask myself, “would I want my daughter to do the same?” “is this a good example to set?”

Children come out almost blank canvases. They copy what we do and what we say. They take on board how we treat ourselves, others, how we treat them, and they can take it as gospel. They do what we do and if what we are portraying isn’t healthy then that flows onto them. You don’t realise your personal bias, the influence your upbringing had on you, or how your experiences have shaped you quite like becoming a parent.

One night my daughter and I were eating dinner and she told me was full. She had barely touched her plate and my immediate reflex was to snap. I frowned at her and told her she needed to eat more. She started to whine and told me she was too full and didn’t want to eat anymore and wanted to leave the table. My instinctual reaction to that was to flare with anger. Thankfully, years of being self-reflective and self-aware, I took a breath and stopped. I sat there, I looked at her, trying to calm the storm decimating my brain. I had no idea why I was feeling so angry. I let her leave the table and play while I continued to sit there staring at my plate like an idiot not having any idea why I had such a visceral reaction to her telling me she didn’t want to eat anymore.

(TRIGGER WARNING) While sitting there and frowning I reflected on my upbringing. I remembered what would happen when I declared the same thing to my parents and the dread that would come over me, even though all I wanted was to not eat anymore. I was yelled at, and more, and was never excused from the table until I ate everything, made to feel guilty because there were “starving children in the world” and I was punished. I was always made to feel blame, shame and ungrateful for simply being full. It was years of this, including the addition of a wooden spoon being hung near our kitchen as a reminder of what would happen should I utter those two little words.

Growing up with a reaction like that obviously had a profound impact on me. It made mealtimes stressful, resentful, and it made eating everything on my plate a priority. That transformed into me carrying that anger onwards to when I became a mother – my brain immediately went to my own experience. I have never treated my daughter the same way I was treated because I was able to self-reflect, break the cycle of disgusting behaviour, and I am modeling a healthy response when it is meal time.

I ask her if she is full or if she doesn’t like what is on her plate. I encourage her to eat a portion that is reasonable to her age and size. I look at how much I put on her plate because maybe I put too much on it. I talk to her, listen to her, calmly communicate with her. I don’t yell, I don’t scream, and I certainly don’t copy what my parents did! I am calm and responsible, and I know that it is not the end of the world if everything on her plate isn’t gobbled up.  

While reflecting on ourselves not everything we look at will be like my example above; hard, maybe traumatic, frustrating or ugly.

There was another moment I can clearly remember when I picked my daughter up from after school care and she ran into my arms and cried. She had been teased at school and was feeling very low. I held her while we sat on the floor in the doorway to her after school care room. We sat there holding each other. I didn’t tell her to stop crying, and I didn’t immediately ask what was wrong, I simply sat with her cradled in my arms and let her feel what she was feeling and be embraced by her mum. Other parents stared at me, other children gawked at us, but I didn’t care because the most important person in my life needed me right then on that floor. Upon later reflection, I realised that I was proud of myself for how I handled that. I had gently scooted us slightly out of the way so other people could come in and out, and I showed her that there is nothing wrong with crying and breaking down in front of others, in being vulnerable, that there was nothing to be embarrassed about. I was proud that even though I was desperate to find out what was wrong and go right into fixing mode I simply held her and gave her the space and attention she needed. I was proud that I had shown patience and confidence and self-acceptance and acceptance of what was going on for her. I was proud of how I behaved as a mother that day.

Being self-reflective, and by extension self-aware, is what has enabled me to be continued striving to be the best mother I can be, to be a good friend, a good partner, a good colleague, and a good person. Yes, it is an ongoing daily practice, and it’s not always pleasant, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Why would you not want to be the type of person that you would be proud of? Why would you not want to be the person others can talk to, come to for advice, and trust? Why would you not want to exude confidence and humbleness? Why would you not want to have to tools to grow and to develop into the person you wanted to be?

So, what do you see when you look at yourself?

Be brave.

Be curious.